When I proposed this topic as a post, I really didn’t know what I was going to write about. I still don’t really, I’m just making it up as I go along. All I know is that I have felt incredible guilt over the past year because I feel like I’m not doing enough.
Enough programs, enough emails, enough outreach, enough Take & Makes, enough Summer Reading planning.
At work, I am in a constant state of mild panic. That dread that hangs over you when you know you’ve forgotten to do something really important, but you can’t quite figure out what it is. That is what this whole year has been like for me. Worrying that I’m not trying hard enough to reach the teens. Feeling like I’m missing a huge part of my job.
Work is stressful, not only because I am working with the public during a pandemic, but I work 2 days from home helping my daughter with remote kindergarten. It’s hard to get work done on these days, and it is almost impossible to separate work life and home life.
And I’ll be honest, I haven’t done that many programs. Mostly crafts and book boxes (Check out Andrea’s post!) My teens are MIA since last March. They can’t hang out at the library so they don’t come around. Unfortunately, that was the source of my program attendance. There is zero interest in virtual programs, which is partly because they don’t want them, and partly because I haven’t been overly excited about them either.
I feel guilty. But I also know deep down, that I am also just trying to survive this. We all have a lot going on in our work lives and in our personal lives. We talk a lot about self-care on this blog because it’s very easy to get burnt out in this job. But I think right now, I’m just trying to survive. And sometimes, that’s enough.